Just to ease any concern, my laparoscopic debut was not in a patient. Allowing me to blindly stick hot sharp stuff through some holes in someones belly at this stage would be a bit premature. However, in a very real appearing setting, I got to do a laparoscopic splenectomy and it was like playing the funnest video game ever! There is so much strategy involved at every stage, from placing the ports to instrument choice, where to go first. It takes lots of visualization and planning. I LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT. Now I can feel much better about all the hours I've spent in the past procrastinating on my playstation!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
The funnest video game ever!
As some of you may know, my operating experience has hit some recent highs. Last week I did a right colon as first assist (I could barely breath the whole time from both excitement and total nervousness) and it was one of the most amazing things I've ever done in my life!! However, despite my constant excitement over my increasing operating responsibilities I still felt a dread for laparoscopic surgery. My biggest worry in becoming a surgeon was that I would hate laparoscopic surgery and be unemployed since everything is heading in that direction. As a medical student "driving the camera" is by far the most painful job ever, the camera is never right, its dark, you're standing in some weird contorted position, and if someone is struggling it just gets long and tortuous. Well this week I had my first try at flexing my laparoscopic muscle and . . . its freakin' awesome!
Just to ease any concern, my laparoscopic debut was not in a patient. Allowing me to blindly stick hot sharp stuff through some holes in someones belly at this stage would be a bit premature. However, in a very real appearing setting, I got to do a laparoscopic splenectomy and it was like playing the funnest video game ever! There is so much strategy involved at every stage, from placing the ports to instrument choice, where to go first. It takes lots of visualization and planning. I LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT. Now I can feel much better about all the hours I've spent in the past procrastinating on my playstation!
Just to ease any concern, my laparoscopic debut was not in a patient. Allowing me to blindly stick hot sharp stuff through some holes in someones belly at this stage would be a bit premature. However, in a very real appearing setting, I got to do a laparoscopic splenectomy and it was like playing the funnest video game ever! There is so much strategy involved at every stage, from placing the ports to instrument choice, where to go first. It takes lots of visualization and planning. I LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT. Now I can feel much better about all the hours I've spent in the past procrastinating on my playstation!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Peanut Butter and Graham Crackers!
Those who live in the hospital know that the staple of the resident diet is peanut butter and graham crackers. The best breakfast, lunch and dinner you can find in the pantries of every hospital floor. Why is it that every hospital is stocked with peanut butter and graham crackers!
Now, for the moments where thirst is the predominate need, there is a wonderful selection of beverages, boxed juices chock full of high fructose corn syrup and terrible diet caffeine free 1.5 ounce sodas. Only the best!
The funniest moment of the week came when one of my co-interns about to get started on the mountain of post rounding orders and discharges took request before going on his pantry run, and we turned our hospital bound Saturday morning into a fancy brunch as we put in our orders for beverages to have with our peanut butter and graham crackers!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Cruising Altitude
I've always liked to write in my journal at cruising altitude, especially if I'm traveling alone. Its the point at which half the plane is asleep, the beverages and snacks have been passed out and all you can see out of the window is a sea of clouds. It has always seemed to me like the perfect time to stop and reflect. So last week, after flying out to go and procure an organ for a tranplant, I reflected at cruising altitude on the way home.
I am thrilled to be on my way to becoming a surgeon. I have loved the operating room since my first visit. A a student I looked on often standing on my tip toes just to get a glimpse, just hoping that maybe I'd get to touch something, or clip some suture string. Every action, no matter how small was a little gift. And now I'm finally not a student and flying out to do my first big case and I'm sort of emotionless. When I make it to the operating room, the joy of being able to touch something is overtaken by the constant state of nervous anxiety, so strong at first I almost want the operation to just be over. Every cut, every tie, every move with the bovie is made by me. I will my normally steady hands to be still. I mentally try and lower by heart rate and stay calm and be accurate and be good, and at the end, I feel almost as though I'd done nothing. Its amazing that one small insignificant tasks as a student can feel huge, such an honor, such a step forward. However, as an intern, each step is carefully shown to me, each move dictated. The focus is no longer on the chance to do a tasks, but instead a constant attempt to perform actions correctly, it feels so different than I would have expected. As a student I would have given anything to be the intern actually doing all of the steps, it looked so amazing. Now, I realize that the goal always lies one step ahead. It truly is the attending surgeon leading the operation who actually does the operation, I'm just carrying out each request.
I am thrilled to be on my way to becoming a surgeon. I have loved the operating room since my first visit. A a student I looked on often standing on my tip toes just to get a glimpse, just hoping that maybe I'd get to touch something, or clip some suture string. Every action, no matter how small was a little gift. And now I'm finally not a student and flying out to do my first big case and I'm sort of emotionless. When I make it to the operating room, the joy of being able to touch something is overtaken by the constant state of nervous anxiety, so strong at first I almost want the operation to just be over. Every cut, every tie, every move with the bovie is made by me. I will my normally steady hands to be still. I mentally try and lower by heart rate and stay calm and be accurate and be good, and at the end, I feel almost as though I'd done nothing. Its amazing that one small insignificant tasks as a student can feel huge, such an honor, such a step forward. However, as an intern, each step is carefully shown to me, each move dictated. The focus is no longer on the chance to do a tasks, but instead a constant attempt to perform actions correctly, it feels so different than I would have expected. As a student I would have given anything to be the intern actually doing all of the steps, it looked so amazing. Now, I realize that the goal always lies one step ahead. It truly is the attending surgeon leading the operation who actually does the operation, I'm just carrying out each request.
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