But what about life?

Three weeks in and I'm essentially exhausted all the time. My body is in constant sore pain. My last call kept me up all night during which time I had the pleasure of irrigating a rectum, disimpacting another rectum and dressing an anal wound. I left post call right around noon and my husband picked me up. After a quick lunch I was home and sleep on the floor. For some reason I just couldn't get in the bed in the middle of the day. My husband had told me earlier in the week about a work barbecue he was invited to. I had planned to try and go since I was going to be post call and therefore assured to be able to get there in time. I try to attend as much of his stuff as I can because I know there will be lots of stuff I will miss. However as soon as I got home I knew it was going to be tough to wake myself up and make myself decent enough to attend one of his work functions so I told him he may have to just go to this one alone.

By 4 o'clock I was sick of the floor, I woke up briefly to transfer myself to the bed and immediately passed out again. A bit later I groggily opened my eyes and saw my husband kneeling over the end of the bed typing away intently on his laptop. "Hey" I said. "Hey back" he smiled, then I asked when he was heading out to the barbecue, I though maybe I might have time to shower and go with him, but as I asked I looked at the clock. It was 7:30 already and the barbecue started at 6:00. He hadn't gone, but instead had kept vigil at the foot of our bed, "I missed you, this way I knew I'd at least get to see you." I instantly felt like crap, my husband had talked about this barbecue all week, excited that I'd actually be able to come with him since I would be post call. I felt awful that I'm gone so much that kneeling in front of me while I slept was the only way to spend time with me. I wondered if this all was really going to be worth it.

We regrouped, went grocery shopping together and he decided to cook dinner for us! In the middle of food prep, my husband turns around and tells me not to worry about missing the barbecue and said he'd have a light day tomorrow, maybe he'd take off early or call in and we'd do something fun together. "But I have to work," I told him. He was thinking I'd be post call the next day, when I explained that today (the day I slept through) was actually my post call he shouted in exasperation that I work all the time! I miss my husband. I hate that he misses me because I'm not there. Earlier this week he compared our life to dating, where you see each other a few times a week and have fun dates and do special things. And it is true that our time together is very special when we have it, and we always try to make the most of it. But, do I really want to date my husband for 5 years. What will I lose in the process...