a break?

I just completed day one of my first conference as a doctor.  Its essentially an intensive minimally invasive surgery course for residents, most of which are senior residents - I am the youngest (professionally, not chronologically) of the bunch!  And, it was an intense day.  I think I learned and did more today of educational value than of any day since I started residency.  Its exciting and scary as I look forward to tomorrow which promises to be even more challenging.  I'm meeting really awesome people, despite the occasional moment when I've had to will my introvert away.  I hope tomorrow will feel just as full.  

Now time for Vogue magazine, TV and relaxation until tomorrow.

A day off

I have a day off today.  A surprise weekday off to prevent me from working 20 days straight. It feels great.  I went to the gym this morning, had a smoothie and then just came home and stood outside.  I just stood and stared at the trees behind my house.  I just stood and thought about my life.  I stood there, and I didn’t feel rushed or hurried.  I felt like I had all the time in the world to just stand and be still and look out at the trees.  Now I’m sitting on the floor of the deck.  I have no desire to actually sit in a proper chair.  I laid on the floor for about 20 minutes just looking up at the sky and closing my eyes when the sun got too bright.  I bathed myself in sunlight.  And, despite this solitary time of freedom, I thankfully feel clarity about my work and where my life is going.  I don’t want to quit like I do when things are hurried.  I feel ok.  I feel ok that I’ll be working this weekend.  I feel okay that I have at least 3 years of this left.  I feel okay with my choices and the fact that things are being postponed in my pursuit.  Ok that I can’t do everything.  I feel okay.

I’m off to shower now and enjoy the rest of my free day.

home call...

I just started my transplant rotation last week.  I did two rotations on transplant last year and now I'm back as a second year.  I had been looking forward to it.  I didn't hate transplant as an intern, I figured this year would be even better. . . I was wrong.  I take call at home as a second year and have to drive into the hospital anytime something bad is going down.  The last few days of work have been a bit brutal and tonight I had a few calls early making it hard to get to sleep.  Well, after finally a few uninterrupted hours I just got a call that pretty much means I need to head in early, despite the fact that I didn't need to be at work today until 7 - a gift I was cherishing.  Now its 4 in the morning and after I write this last sentence I'll run upstairs and take a quick shower and head back to work again.  

I'd love to write more, but I have to get to work. Urggh.

Heat WAVE!

I start my transplant rotation tomorrow  and need to study but I can't concentrate because there's a heat wave in my house.  Today marks day 4 of our air conditioner outage and the high today was 95 degrees.  It is 10:00 at night and 88 degrees in my house! OW!!  The air conditioner man came by today and we need a whole new system!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!! In the meantime we'll just keep toughing it out in here!

I survived my first rotation of second year, and aside from how hot I am right now, it was pretty good!

p.s. my first patient this morning didn't want a black surgeon operating on her, my attending let me do more of the case than ever.  He turned a sucky situation into a great operative experience for me, and her surgery went great . . . TAKE THAT!!!