Its 10:00pm on Sunday and I refuse to go to sleep, refuse to allow more life to be taken away to the madness. I have to be in around 4:30 or so tomorrow. This week is going to be a rough one. I'll have 3 long days this week and Saturday call so its pretty much bound to be a 100+ hour week. I feel inept, I can't do this stuff fast enough, I don't know what to do with these people whose blood pressures won't go down. I am sick of seeing people without legs. People keep dying. People who walk in the hospital looking normal but have a ticking time bomb in their belly. Lately it seems instead of giving them a chance, we're just hastening their deaths. I think I'd much rather die suddenly in my house after feeling fine, then die after a week on maximum support with organs and limbs successively being removed until by body gives up.
I went to church today. I needed it. Needed it to make it through what will be a trying and very long week. I needed a new way to look at all this. I left church able to see a goal worth working towards, and for now all I have to do it get through this week. I left knowing that when the time comes I will be able to draw some extra strength from somewhere. I left feeling like I'm not going into this week all alone.
I still refuse to go to sleep. I claim this time for me.
1 comment:
I am praying for you and your fellow intern. You are being prepared for something so great it makes me have chills anticipating what is in store for you. I am so grateful that you have Christ in your life which makes all the pressure you are under bearable.
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